A Collection of Jokes

 to Offend Everyone

What's the best form of birth control after 50?
Nudity

What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
45 lbs.

What's the difference between a boyfriend and a  husband?
45 minutes.
 

Why is it so hard to find men who are caring, kind, and good looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.


 What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.


What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
 The same urge that makes dogs chase
cars they have no intention of driving.


What do you call a smart blonde?
 A golden retriever.

What has a whole bunch of little balls and screws old ladies?
 Bingo machine.
 

What's the difference between a porcupine and a BMW?
A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.

Why did God create alcohol?
So ugly people could have sex, too.

What did the blonde say when she found out she was  pregnant?
"Are you sure it's mine?"
 

What's the difference between Beer Nuts and Deer  Nuts?
Beer Nuts are $1, and Deer Nuts are always under a  buck.

 Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
 Mace will do that to you.

 What's the difference between a Northern fairytale
 and a Southern fairytale?
 A Northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time."
A  Southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe  this crap."