How Red is Your Neck?
You Might Be a Redneck If...
- You ever listed fuzzy dice on an insurance claim.
- Your trolling motor used to be a fan in a barber shop.
- You list tick removal as a skill on your resume.
- You use an ironing board as a knick-knack shelf.
- You think the Battle of the Bulge is an argument between your wife and your mother.
- You've ever driven around looking for your porch roof after a bad storm.
- Your nicest towels say, "Property of Motel 6".
- You get your daily requirement of fiber from toothpicks.
- The photo on your driver's license includes your dog.
- You've been too drunk to fish.
- You've had to remove a toothpick for wedding pictures.
- You ever used a weed eater indoors.
- You have a rag for a gas cap (on a car that does run).
- You look upon a family reunion as a chance to meet `Ms. Right'
- You have to go outside to get something out of the 'fridge.
- Your idea of a 7 course meal is a bucket of KFC and a six pack.
- Someone asks to see your ID and you show them your belt buckle.
- You have lost at least one tooth opening a beer bottle.
- Jack Daniel's makes your list of "most admired people".
- You won't stop at a rest area if you have an empty beer can in the car.
- Your wife has a beer belly and you find it attractive.
- You roll your hair with soup cans and wash it once a year.
- You consider a three piece suit to be: a pair of overalls, a plaid flannel shirt and thermal underwear.
- The fifth grade is referred to as "your senior year."
- You have 5 cars that are immobile and a house that is!
- Your gene pool doesn't have a "deep end."
- Your `huntin' dawg' cost more than the truck you drive him around in.
- Your belt buckle weighs more than three pounds.
- You think that safe sex is a padded headboard on the waterbed.
- It's Easier to spray weed killer on your lawn than mow it.
- You think that John Deere Green, Ford Blue, and Primer Gray are the three primary colors.
- Your idea of talking during sex is "Ain't no cars coming, baby!"
- Taking your wife on a cruise means circling the Dairy Queen.
- You think the last words to The Star Spangled Banner are "Gentlemen, start your engines."
- You think God looks a lot like Hank Williams, Jr., and heaven looks a lot like Daytona Beach, Florida.
- You believe dual air bags refer to your wife and mother-in-law.
- Your father executes the "pull my finger" trick during Christmas dinner.
- You've got more than one brother named 'Darryl'.
- The people on Jerry Springer's show remind you of your neighbors.
- You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
- You carried a fishing pole into Sea World.
- You think subdivision is part of a math problem.
- You can get dog hair from out of your belly button.
- Ya can't get married to yer sweetheart cause there is a law against it.
- The beer can collection in the town museum is the big tourist attraction.
- You can change the oil in your truck without ducking your head.
- You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.
- You take a load to the dump and bring back more than you took.
- You believe that beef jerky and Moon Pies are two of the major food groups.
- You think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a different night.
- The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your wife.
- You think taking a bubble bath starts with eating beans for dinner.