Learn Morse code, and have conversations with
friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip..."
If you have a glass eye, tap on it
occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
Amuse yourself for endless hours by hooking a
camcorder to your TV and then pointing it at the screen.
Speak only in a "robot" voice.
Push all the flat Lego pieces together
tightly.
Start each meal by conspicuously licking all
your food, and announcing it's your property.
Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%,
extra dark, 17 inch paper, 99 copies.
Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers
running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up".
Reply to everything someone says with "That's
what YOU think!"
Forget the punch line to a long joke, but
assure the listener it was a "real hoot".
Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying
everything they touch with a can of Lysol.
Practice making fax and modem noises.
Highlight irrelevant information in scientific
papers and copy them to your boss.
Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.
Make beeping noises when a large person backs
up.
Invent nonsense computer jargon in
conversations, and see if people play along to avoid looking
ignorant.
Erect an elaborate network of ropes in your
backyard, and tell the neighbors you are a "spider person".
Wear a special hip holster for your remote
control.
Signal that a conversation is over by clamping
your hands over your ears.
Give a play-by-play account of a person's
every action in a nasal Howard Cossell voice.
To really annoy people, stand on a street
corner, pointing a hair dryer at passing traffic, and watch it slow
down.
Specify that your drive-through order is "to go".
Holler random numbers while someone is
counting.
Take a sock puppet to dinner with you. When
the waiter comes to ask you what you want, consult the sock. When
the check comes argue with the sock loud enough so everyone can hear
you about who will pay the bill, throw him down and say, "Fine you
pay!" Then leave.
