Liquor Warning
Due to increasing products liability litigation, American liquor
manufacturers
have
accepted the FDA's suggestion that the following warning labels
be placed
immediately on all
containers:
Warnings:
The
consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering
what the heck
happened to your bra.
The consumption of alcohol may make you think
you are whispering
when
you are not.
The consumption of
alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an idiot.
The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends
over
and
over again that you
love them.
The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.
The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers
are
really dying for you to telephone them at 4:00 in the morning.
The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically
converse with members of the
opposite sex without spitting.
The consumption of alcohol may make you think you have
mystical Kung
Fu powers, resulting in
you getting your ass kicked.
The consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the
morning
and see something
really scary.
The consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug
burns on the forehead,
knees and lower back.
The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are
tougher, smarter, faster and
better looking than most people.
The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are
invisible.
The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people
are laughing
WITH you.
The consumption of alcohol may cause a disturbance in the time-space
continuum, whereby gaps
of time may seem to literally disappear.
The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.